So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
