New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
