I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
