Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
