That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize