So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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