i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
