I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
