I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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