i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
