so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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