When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize