Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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