you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
