I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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