Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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