We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
