god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
