I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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