WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it because I queefed?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
