Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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