Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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