Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize