new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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