Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
