Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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