girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize