put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
