my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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