I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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