i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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