You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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