When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize