No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
