i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
