It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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