when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this boner is exhausting
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
