i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
