im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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