But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize