I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your penis caused this!
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