my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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