A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
