i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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