when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
