In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize