Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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