bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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