Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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