your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
