I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
