the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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