I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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