I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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