I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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