Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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