I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
