I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
