the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
