why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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