the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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