pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
