I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
