Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
