He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
