I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize