haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize