I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
