dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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