its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
