i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
