Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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