i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
