I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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