There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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