Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found your dick twin last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
