fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
