Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
