who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize