god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
