In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize