just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
