Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your cock deserves a montage
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Alive.
So much puke
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
