the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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