I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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