My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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