I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
