When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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