I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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