You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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