As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
