his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize