Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
