now i know why i became what i already was.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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